We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
