Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
