Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
