Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
