Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize