Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
