see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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