Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
