Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
