Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
