You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
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