Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
