Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So many bounce houses so little time
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
