They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
