I wish my penis had an off switch
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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