Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
you made out with another girl for some wings
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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