just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
