Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
