I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
