She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I love you.
Bad choice
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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