Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
