My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
