wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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