Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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