it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
