Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
