i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
