Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
