this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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