I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
