Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
