And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
