Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
