laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i drank out of a bidet.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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