The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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