I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
