Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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