oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
