just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
