Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He passed out mid-signature
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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