This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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