For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
