guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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