a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
