happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
