Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
