I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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