ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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