So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize