I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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