Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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