I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
