I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize