I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
