Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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