I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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