I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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