hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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