Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
