Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
