trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
