i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
