Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
