just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
