Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
