Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
