In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
