Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
