Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
