Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
