@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
