I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
sarcasm needs its own font
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
