Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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