Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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