Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
People in love make me want to vomit
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
