and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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