My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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