I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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