sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
