who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize