And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
