Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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