I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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