He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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