Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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