I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
