Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm getting married
To pizza
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
