rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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