He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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