i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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