Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize