Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
