I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
