A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
