Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
