My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
