The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
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