I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
