we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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