Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
