i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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