Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
