Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
